Saturday, June 23, 2012

Writer's Retreat

I am an introvert.  That means that sometimes, many times, it is exhausting and headache-inducing for me to deal with people.  At those times, I tend to hole up in my room with a lot of books or my computer.  Sometimes, I'm tempted to get a hotel room and just not have human contact for a weekend.

This weekend, I get to have one of those times.  A friend of mine, the one with whom I escaped to Philadelphia, is off to the beaches of California with her very lovely family.  They couldn't bring the dog or cat and wanted people to water their garden.  Enter their friends who like their gardens and really like their house.

I firmly put my foot down about scheduling and said that after I went to see Brave and ate lunch with friends, I was going to have some time to myself with my novel.  I have enjoyed it so far.  I got a lot of good work done; the newly-christened Nathaniel is turning out to be a really fun character to write and I'm starting to really write the differences between Aislin and Maeve.  I developed some more of the relationship with Mr. and Mrs. Byrne.  

I feel a little better than I have done for the last three weeks, in which I have written almost nothing due to overwhelming depression.  A couple of years ago, my depression was so bad that, for a summer, I couldn't find joy in music, in dancing, in writing, in work, in anything.  I've been very close to that and because I remember what that was like, I have been getting very panicked.  Not a good combination.  I've also contacted a friend who is a psychotherapist to get a referral to a psychologist who can meet with me on Saturdays.  I've been working such crazy hours that I can never fit therapy into a schedule, but it has to be done.  I'm not good at expressing emotion (Well, other than anger and general stubbornness), but when I'm so depressed that having someone forget to say hi to me on a day makes me cry for an hour, it's getting out of control.

It also doesn't help that I have a recital on July 20.  I have done many recitals, since my parents let me start taking violin lessons when I was 3, but this is the first solo recital I've done since 1999.  It's also the first time I've ever done a piano-only recital.  I am playing everything from a Mozart piano concerto to a piece from Transformers.  My current choice of an encore piece is actually something that Katey, my ever-patient roommate in whose room my piano currently resides, agrees sounds like the themesong for Wingspan.  

So, I'm having a good, alone night to myself.  Tomorrow, I get to hang out with my friends, but for now, I can have some real me time.